"Operation Cup of Tea' brought Portobello businesses, market stallholders, local politicians and the public together to have a cuppa, eat some cake and discuss the events of the previous days"
So reported Herr von Cockell's £3.5 million a year Propaganda Unit run by his doppelganger, Mr Fitzpatrick.
The event was graced by Herr Leader and local Invisible MP, Malcolm Rifkind, kindly squeezing in 3 minutes between his many board meetings.
Left: An Invisible MP from Scotland
In fact, both need not have bothered turning up-few residents did from what the Dame heard. Worse that that, not one paper local or national picked up the self proclaimed "Story of the Week"
The Dame was even tipped off that some ungrateful and insolent residents barracked Herr Leader with shouts of, 'it's alright for you, Cockle-we're paying you £2,600 a week' as he sped off in the £150,000 100 litre V60 RBKC 1 Bentley.
Imagine the 'behind the scenes' planning..... "Fitzpatrick, we need a clever initiative to show we really care about all those people in the far distant north of the Rotten Borough-what shall we do to make them feel we care. And of course we don't want to have to pay for anything". "Herr Leader, I have a truly brilliant idea. Let's make them cook the cakes and make big pots of tea and then you just wander around looking concerned.We can put it up on our website as 'STORY OF THE WEEK'. I have even found a resident who will prostrate himself at your feet in gratitude for your august presence saying he never knew you cared(some mistake there. ed)
Glowing with pride Herr Leader clapped him on the back..."well done Fitzpatrick:you are thinking 'Ze Blitz Spirit.' With all those cups of tea and cakes they will forget we are raising parking charges; that the Wedge has been a total disaster, and my friend Dave Cameron has done nothing to reduce business tax".
They may even forget that I am pulling in £2,600 'big ones' a week.....
Left: Typical cake eating scene in Portobello